And the winner is…
…the New York Jets! Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it’s indisputable that your NFL Offseason Champions are the one and only team-you-love-to-hate, soon-to-be-Hard-Knocks, one-year-player-renting Jets.
Conspiracy Theory ALERT: HBO is behind it all. LT, Holmes, Jason Taylor, Cromartie…those Hard Knocks producers are drooling. $100 says all of Cromartie’s illegitimate children mysteriously show up at training camp. And it’s not hard to picture the LT vs. Kris Jenkins race to the buffet line (om nom nom nom nom). Or they’ll hire dozens of scam GQ photographers to surround the field so Sanchez and Taylor can scratch (yes scratch) each other to get in front of the camera.
All jokes aside it feels good to experience something that few sports fans can truly appreciate – satisfaction with your front office. Ask any Lions fan, the worst fan experience is to be utterly disgusted with your franchise. Records and Superbowl rings aside, true happiness comes with knowing that your team will do anything and everything it needs to do to win. The Lions aren’t winning a Superbowl anytime soon, but with the devil/He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named gone, their fans know that it can only go up from here. Isiah Thomas single-handedly ruined the NBA for me, and it’ll take years (or King James) to bring Knicks fandom back to its 90s stature. So hang in there Raiders fans, or take matters into your own hands and drop Al Davis in Loch Ness where he can be reunited with his next of kin.
Woody Johnson, Mike Tannenbaum, and good ol’ Rex have done a fantastic job of putting together a dangerous Gang Green. Quick breakdown of our offseason moves so far:
- Antonio Cromartie – The Cromartie/Revis pairing is the best in the league. Cromartie gives the Jets the flexibility to switch around matchups, which is what killed us last year against the Colts.
- LT – We essentially got another Thomas Jones for less money. He fits right into a great RB system with Shonn Greene and Leon Washington, so worst case scenario he’s an excellent complement to Greene as a 3rd down back and in passing scenarios.
- Santonio Holmes – Former Superbowl MVP for a 5th rounder? STEAL. Coming off his most productive season, Holmes fills the gaping hole at the #1 receiver spot. Sanchez finally has a solid receiving corps to boost our passing game.
- Jason Taylor – From a purely performance perspective, he’ll obviously be good to take some snaps from Calvin Pace and Bryan Thomas, and Vernon Gholston can learn from an experienced player. But let’s face it, the dude hates us and we hate him. He doesn’t want to play for the Jets, he expressed his desire to stay in Miami, and he’ll have a lot to prove when he puts on that uniform. I understand we’re a business at the end of the day and we need to take what we can get to win, but there’s a mutual hatred between Taylor and Jet nation that needs to be remedied, starting with him. Get over yourself. You’re a Jet now and it’s time you embraced the team and its fans.
So how will the Jets fare next season? The schedule’s out and I’m calling a 10-6 season to take the AFC East:
Week 1 – W vs. Baltimore
Week 2 – L vs. New England
Week 3 – L @ Miami
Week 4 – W @ Buffalo
Week 5 – L vs. Minnesota
Week 6 – W @ Denver
Week 7 – BYE
Week 8 – L vs. Green Bay
Week 9 – W @ Detroit
Week 10 – W @ Cleveland
Week 11 – W vs. Houston
Week 12 – L vs. Cincinnati
Week 13 – W @ New England
Week 14 – W vs. Miami
Week 15 – W @ Pittsburgh
Week 16 – L @ Chicago
Week 17 – W vs. Buffalo