Sort-of-1/3-through-the-season predictions…

Otherwise known as Week 5 predictions! Of course, the term “Week 5″ has probably been copyrighted by ESPN by now so I wanted to avoid any potential repercussions.

So it’s the 5th week of the NFL season, and while it’s certainly been a wacky year already, not much has changed. Yes some teams predicted to finish second may now have jumped to first, but really nothing dumbfounding has happened. Come on Lions, you should be 4-0 at this point! Fear not though, I have complete faith in the utter ridiculousness of the NFL, and something outrageous like the Cardinals going to the SuperBowl will happen this year (oh wait…)

NFC East: GIANTS
It’s pretty obvious that the Giants are one of, if not the, strongest team in the NFL right now. Sadly my earlier pick of the Eagles was yanked away with the usual Westbrook injury and a not-that-usual-but-still-somewhat-usual McNabb injury. I’m not giving up hope on the Eagles and I still think they have a shot at the division, it’s just impossible to not pick the Giants here. Oh and plantar fasciitis sounds like a tapeworm to me, so I’m going to pretend that Eli will be fine instead of trying to figure out what that means.

NFC West: NINERS
Ha! Y’all made fun of me but it’s clear now that I’m awesome (and right). Under normal circumstances they might have dropped out of my predictions with the Gore injury, but we’re talking about the NFC West here. It’s essentially a UFL division thrown in with the big dogs for our personal amusement. The Niners D looks pretty money, and now that Crabtree has resigned from diva status, they’re absolutely going to take this. Sorry Seahawks, maybe next year you can convince your players the field is more fun than the infirmary. Oh and remember when the Rams became this year’s Lions? Ouch.

NFC North: VIKINGS
I don’t understand why people are suddenly OK with Brett Favre now that he’s playing well. We always knew he’s a great player, he just completely sucks as person. His glove-less hands crushed a town that devoted its entire existence to him, AND THEN HE WENT TO THE VIKINGS!!! COME ON! Anyway, the Packers have some serious O-line issues that are preventing the potential offensive powerhouse to even begin to reach its full potential. The Vikes look pretty great on all sides, I think they’re overhyped, but they’ll win this.

NFC South: FALCONS
I stayed with the Falcons for two reasons: I still really love this team, and one of the favorites needs to fall and I think the Saints will be it. The Saints have a much tougher schedule ahead than what they’ve beat so far, and I think the Falcons will regain their footing after their loss to the Pats in time to beat out the Saints for the division title.

AFC East: PATS
Surprised? Take it from a Jets fan, we are NOT that good. The Saints game put our weak offense on display and unfortunately our defense can’t win all the games. Our D dominated the Pats, but their offense is far far superior, especially now that Wes Welker is back. Obviously I pray that I’m wrong, but I’d be very surprised if we finished at the top. Side note: Apparently the Jets don’t feel like participating in next year’s draft. Braylon Edwards? Ugh.

AFC West: BRONCOS
What a turnaround for this defense. Never thought I’d pick up the Broncos D/ST in fantasy, but weirder things have happened! Before the Steelers/Chargers game I might have still picked the Chargers, but that game was a complete blowout until the end. Kyle Orton, you may be ugly but you’re proving to be a lot better than we expected.

AFC North: BENGALS
Don’t worry I’m laughing just as hard as you are. This is my wacky pick in hopes that this will actually happen. Come on NFL, we need to prove how ridiculous you really are! In all seriousness, the Bengals D has been money and Carson Palmer looks decent. And let’s give Ocho a little love for staging a Lambeau leap (love it). The Ravens will probably win this, great team and its offense is shaping up to be almost as dominant as its defense. But hey who doesn’t want to see Ocho mouth off in the playoffs?

AFC South: COLTS
Peyton is the man. I think this is the strongest team in the league right now (with the Giants in close second). And do you really see them losing the division to the Jags, Texans, or Titans?